2008 new : filmplus.org/kino
Theory of Spectatorship aDiary + Film-North Album (new)
Weak heart and soft brains. I do not believe myself and struggle for nothing. Thoughts ask for courage -- and I do not have it. As I need a confirmation; yes, Anatoly, you are right. That is what you see.
What do I see?
You know his story. He was the first and the best. The prince of light. Then he didn't accept the superiority of man and it was a mistake. He and a third of them, the angels, fought and lost -- and he mostly known as a prince of darkness, the evil. This is Part II of the book. The last part is about the present, our encounters, our work together.
SummaryНет, это не вторая редакция, а просто второй экземпляр. С моими заметками по-русски.
NotesВместо того, чтобы дописывать, начал новые "заметки" -- кино-заметки.
[ read SELF first, please ]'It is a war of images and sounds, rather than objects and things, in which winning is simply a matter of not losing sight of the opposition. The will to see all, to know all, at every moment, everywhere, the will to universalised illumination: a scientific permutation on the eye of God which would forever rule out the surprise, the accident, the irruption of the unforeseen' (Paul Virilio, The Vision Machine, 70)
I am not sure who is writing it, maybe both of us. We met each other halfway; he becoming human and I on my way to be a spirit. We shared the same space, but we came from two different worlds and our memories were different. He was about to learn what I already exprienced -- childhood, body, woman, family -- everything what was ahead of him. We needed each other and that is why we met.
He told me about the world I was entering, the other world, the world of angels and demons. The world which is moving at me with the speed of light which we still call history. We both smiled when we used this word. We had to smile when we used the old words.
He has many names, because of his long life. My long life is yet ahead of me. The most familar name to all is Lucifer. Satan, Devil -- I never called him by such names; I do not like to call anybody names. In fact, we didn't use our names too often. What for? There will be other names for both of us. Besides, you don't use names when it's a one-on-one situation.
This book is the story of the two that became one. At least, that's how it felt, that is how you feel when somebody understands you. I do not have the time for the whole story, because I have to write about what was said. You will not find that many descriptions and scenes, this is not a novel. For many years I try to stay from fiction in all its forms; there is too much in my life I have to tell so I have no room for fantasies.
I realize that you do not believe me, but this is only because you haven't read the book yet. You see, he has many faces, sometimes voices and no faces, sometime only the presence. You have to let yourself be in the virtual space in order to understand that our "normal" conditions are only a part of the big world. You have to trust me that there is such a thing as space of a thought.... I know, it's not easy, I know, because I am one of you, I was there.
There are many other manuscripts I have and they can help to understand the story. What I do not have is time -- and you will understand why.I do not have to describe him, you know how Mephisto looks like.
"Sorry for the cap," he said. "I had no time to change. How can I help you? If this is about Dr. Faust, I have nothing to do with it. It's fiction."
"No, she is real." Mephisto wasn't comfortable with me. "He thought that we shoudl have a talk. He is s aboss, so I'm here. Why did you want to see me?"
"There are things I can't talk with him about. About my life ahead. Not the spiritual, but my mortal life."
Mephisto was dress as if came from official party. The surprising thing about his face that he has this asiatic features -- tatar or mongol like.
"It all depends," he took off this silly cap, went to the refregorator and himself a shot of vodka.
"Do you want a shot?" he asked. "I appreciate you confedence in me. But there are some questions you have to answer, before I can tell your future. Of course, it's informal and confidential. What do you see?"
"That's the problem," I confessed. "I don't see anything."
"Let me put it differently. What are your fantacies, your dreams? Do you see a doctor, by the way?"
"Not anymore. I need your help."
"All right," he took off his jacket. "I ask, you answer. Do you want to live?"
"Yes," I said.
He wasn't friendly. I understand, we had no time to befriend each other.
"Would it surprise you, if I say that we learn a lot from you? You, personally."
"Me?" I got myself a shot of vodka too.
"Yes, we are like you, we exist to learn. There are things we don't understand. You thought about killing yorself, I read your book."
"You mean, you can't do it?"
"We can't do it, we have to exist."
"Ah, this soul thing! We don't do it anymore. You write about Resurrection, you know that we are in different business now. and very very busy. Too many, you know."
"Is it the Lake, you are talking?"
"Yes, the second death, the final. Are you still interested?"
"How does it work, the Lake?"
"I don't know, I do not service it. We through the soul into it and -- finito, gone, finished. As if it never existed before."
"So, do you want to do it? The exchange?"
"I want to talk about it with him...."
"He doesn't like to talk about it. I want to above it, the busness. That is what I am for."
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